Finding the right au pair or host family is about more than choosing a profile that looks good.
A good match comes down to expectations, lifestyle, communication and whether everyday life feels like a good fit for both sides. Here are some things to consider before making your decision.
Before comparing profiles, think about what you are actually looking for.
For au pairs, this might include the age of the children, location, working hours, family lifestyle or how much independence you would like.
For host families, it could be childcare experience, language skills, driving ability, personality or how comfortable someone is with your family’s routine.
Try to separate the things that are essential from the things that would simply be nice to have. This makes it easier to recognise a match that genuinely fits your needs.
A profile is a good starting point, but it cannot tell you everything about what living together will be like.
Ask about everyday life.
What does a normal weekday look like?
How are mornings and evenings organised?
What happens at weekends?
How much time does the family normally spend together?
Au pairs should try to picture themselves living in that routine.
Host families should think about whether the au pair’s expectations and lifestyle fit naturally with their household.
The goal isn't to find someone who is exactly like you. It is to understand whether your differences are likely to work well together.
Many problems during an au pair stay start with both sides having different ideas about what was agreed.
Before agreeing to the placement, talk openly about:
If something is unclear, ask.
It is much easier to talk through differences before the stay begins than to discover later that you understood the arrangement differently. Open communication is important throughout the stay too — our guide to communicating with your au pair has more tips on keeping those conversations clear and constructive.
Conversations should not only be about childcare and schedules. You are going to share a home, so the smaller details of everyday life matter too.
Talk about things like food, pets, smoking, visitors, house rules, transport, hobbies and how much time everyone usually spends together.
Think about what is particularly important to you as well. For example, Jessica knew that having her boyfriend visit during her au pair stay mattered to her. She discussed it with her host family beforehand, and together they agreed on an arrangement that worked for everyone. You can read Jessica’s story to see how open communication helped them find a solution.
These details can seem minor during the matching process, but discussing them early can prevent misunderstandings once you are living together.
You do not need to make a decision after one conversation.
Several calls give both sides more time to understand how naturally communication flows and whether everyone feels comfortable with each other. If possible, au pairs should also meet the children during a video call.
If they have previous experience, ask whether you can speak to a previous au pair or host family. A host family who is happy to put you in touch with a former au pair can give you an extra perspective on what everyday life with them is really like. Likewise, au pairs who can provide a reference from a previous host family, babysitting or nanny job can help build trust.
References are not a guarantee that a match will be right, but being open to sharing them can be a positive sign of transparency.
Talk about practical details, but leave room for normal conversation too. A good match is not just about ticking the same boxes.
Not sure what to talk about? Our guides to questions to ask a potential au pair and questions to ask a potential host family can help you prepare for your conversations.
Questions are an important part of finding a good match, so neither side should feel awkward about asking them.
Au pairs should feel able to ask about working hours, their room, free time, household expectations or anything else that matters to them.
Host families should also be able to ask about childcare experience, motivation, plans for the stay and how the au pair might handle everyday situations.
Pay attention to how the other person responds too.
Good communication should feel open on both sides. If your questions are often avoided or dismissed, it may be worth slowing down before making a decision.
It can be easy to focus on one particularly attractive detail.
For an au pair, that might be a dream city, a beautiful home or appealing conditions.
For a host family, it could be lots of childcare experience, strong language skills or the perfect start date.
But one strong point does not automatically make the whole match right.
Look at the complete picture: expectations, communication, personality, lifestyle and whether everyday life together feels realistic.
Most people are genuinely looking for a positive au pair experience, but it is still important to recognise when something does not feel right.
Be cautious if someone asks for money, avoids discussing important conditions, has unrealistic expectations, refuses to follow the rules of the au pair stay or pressures you to make a quick decision.
If something feels unclear or too good to be true, do not ignore it. Ask more questions and give yourself time before moving forward.
Au pairs can also read our guide to 5 warning signs to watch for during your host family search for more advice on recognising potential red flags.
Finding someone you like can be exciting, but neither side should feel pressured to agree immediately.
After your conversations, ask yourself:
If you are unsure, have another conversation.
Saying no to one match does not mean the search has failed. It simply gives both sides the chance to find someone who fits better.
There is no perfect au pair and no perfect host family.
A good match is one where both sides understand what to expect, communicate openly and feel comfortable with the arrangement they are agreeing to.
Look beyond the profile, ask questions and give yourself enough time to decide. The goal is not simply to find a match, but to find one where both the au pair and host family feel that the exchange can work well for everyone.