In an excerpt from her new book "Au Pairs with Ease", psychologist and experienced host mother Clarissa Mosley writes about a simple technique that can help host parents connect strongly with their au pairs and motivate them successfully.
Tips om jullie au pair gemotiveerd te houden
Think of your favorite teacher or boss. Likely, they were supportive and recognized your achievements. Similarly, appreciation is essential for fostering a healthy, productive relationship with your au pair. Compliments, gratitude, and signs of appreciation encourage positivity and cooperation in your home.
The ingredients of effective praise
1. Use their name
Personalizing your appreciation by using the au pair’s name makes it clear you are addressing them specifically and sincerely.
2. Focus on behavior
There is more motivational value in praise that focuses on what someone does and how they do it. When you draw attention to a behaviour, it is less confronting and sounds more sincere than a global throw-away statement like “good work.”
3. Be specific
By being specific about what you appreciate, you show the person you are noticing their efforts, and they are much more likely to do the same thing again, perhaps even better next time.
Practical examples
After household chores:
- General: “Thanks for doing the dishes.”
- Improved: “Thanks for doing the dishes, Anne. The pots are so clean and shiny - you must have really worked hard on them.”
During childcare moments:
- “Thanks for putting up with my son, Mary. You stayed calm and firm when Jasper wouldn’t eat his dinner. I really appreciate how you handled it.”
These examples demonstrate how specific, personal, and behavior-focused praise fosters a positive and trusting relationship.
Using appreciation as a motivation tool
- Leave small thank-you notes or smiley faces on tasks well done.
- Verbally acknowledge their help, e.g., “I appreciate your presence - it makes life so much easier.”
- Use weekly check-ins, perhaps when handing over their pocket money, to thank them for their contributions and discuss any concerns or ideas for improvement.
Consistent Positive Reinforcement
Even if it feels unfamiliar at first, practicing regular and genuine appreciation builds a foundation of mutual respect. Small gestures, like recognizing their effort in folding laundry or organizing the kitchen, can have a lasting impact.
By nurturing your au pair’s morale through effective praise and open communication, you’ll create a harmonious and rewarding living arrangement for everyone in your household.